WHY-Wednesday: Why I'm really not all that awesome.

One Saturday afternoon last summer, a friend and I were reflecting on a well-concluded year in the ministry of MOPS.  I was on a high.  I had led ten young moms through discussion, playdates, nights outs, friendships for an entire year, and results were there.  I had perfect attendance for most of the weeks of the second semester.  Great relationships had been built.  We had completed a parenting book together outside of our meetings.  I was the go-to person many of these mamas went to when they had questions.  Three of them were joining the leadership team the following year.  I would be lying if I didn't say I was patting myself on the back quite nicely.  I had been pretty awesome that year.

During that Saturday afternoon, I asked my friend:  "If the Lord has given me such talents [the gift of being plain ol' awesome], where does God fit in after the gift has already been given?  After all, it was I who led these women.  It was I the one brought them together and encouraged them and helped them thrive."  I was basically saying -- how lucky of the Lord to have me.

The question was left in the air.  My friend may have said something wise or true.  Something to correct me, maybe.  But I was too wrapped up in my own self-centerness and awesomeness to pay any attention.

This moment was the beginning of a (so far) year-long story, during which the Lord began to tear me down.  

"If you think I [the Lord] am a small god that you can keep at safe distance, I will pounce upon you like a roaring lion, tear you to pieces, rip you to shreds, and break every bone in your body.  Then I will mend you, cradle you in my arms, and kiss you tenderly" -- Brennan Manning.

And such is my story.

Depression.

Tears.

Attacks by man.

Doubting.

And a whole lot of man-fearing.  

Irony would have it that my following year serving as a table leader in MOPS was not as awesome as my previous year.  So I began panicking and asking myself:  "What am I doing wrong, what do I need to improve, who can I blame for this?"  I'm ashamed to admit that this line of thinking lasted for the majority of the year, before the Lord in his kindness spoke to my heart:  "It's not you, it's never been you doing any of this."  Then Deuteronomy 8:17,18 comes knocking on my door:  

"You may say to yourself, 'My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.'  But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today."

Aaaahhhh...  "it is he who gives you the ability..."

You mean to say, Lord, that everything good that I do does not come from within me, but from within you?

I've known this truth in my mind for years...  

But could it be that I now understand it in my heart as well?

Could it be that my self-centerness and arrogance and pride are the very things the Lord continues to allow me to struggle with, so that I would be reminded of my inability to meet God's standard of perfection, and thus falling on my knees time and time again, asking the Lord to forgive me and to hurry back?

Could it be that the Lord does not accomplish his work because of me, but in spite of me?

Could it be that I'm really not all that awesome?

WHY-Wednesday: Why I don't celebrate Cinco de Mayo

It seems like for the last couple of years on May 5th I've posted some snarky remark on Facebook "educating" the American community about Cinco de Mayo.  I really don't know why I feel so compelled to do so, other than the fact that I am plain ol' embarrassed by the whole affair.

You see, us Mexicans love to party.  Just last week (April 30th) all schools across the country suspended regular activities in order to party.  What was the great occasion, you may ask?  Children's Day.  That's right, Children's Day!  The fact that I have to look up on Wikipedia what Cinco de Mayo celebrates should in itself drive my point home -- it's not that big of a deal.

Yes, yes, some parts of Mexico do make a big deal over it.  Yes, yes, some cities even have a big parade and dress-up and what-not.  Yes, yes, we did win a battle, against the French, over something I'm not entirely sure about.  And I'm thankful for those who sacrificed their lives for it.

But it is not a holiday equally celebrated throughout the country.  In my 18 years of life growing up in Mexico, I never once remember celebrating it, commemorating it, or missing school because of it. 

But here is a list of some of the holidays I do remember celebrating, commemorating, and/or missing school because of:

- Constitution Day (February 5th)

- Flag Day (February 24th)

-  Carnival (February-ish)

- Benito Juarez's birthday (March 16th)

- Labor day (May 1st)

- Independance Day (September 16th)

-  Day of the Dead (November 1st and 2nd)

- Revolution Day (November 20th)

-  Day of the Virgin of Guadalupe (December 12th)

But don't get me wrong.  I think Cinco de Mayo has evolved into a Hispanic Heritage Day, which is very much OK.  I just wish it was called that instead of Cinco de Mayo.  I believe that over the years Cinco de Mayo has become more of an American holiday, rather than a Mexican holiday. 

But I feel like I owe the gringo community a social service here by educating them -- Cinco de Mayo is not Independence Day, so don't congratulate a Mexican because of it (or worse yet, a non-Mexican Latin American).  If you still feel like enjoying the day with an extra large margarita, then by all means.  Thanks for giving the Mexican restaurants in town some business. 

Needless to say -- !VIVA MEXICO!

WHY-Wednesday: Why we did not rent for Masters this year.

If you know nothing about the Masters tournament, allow me to give you a brief (and informal) introduction to it -- 

The Masters tournament is considered one of the most prestigious golf tournaments around the world.  I heard on TV last week that the Masters green jacket awarded to the winner is considered one of the most coveted clothing items in the world of sports.  It takes place every year in Augusta, GA at the golf course located only half a mile from our home.  Needless to say, things get *a bit* crazy around here this time of year.  

And just to give you an idea of the kind of money that flows around here.  Our middle class home (3 bedroom/1.5 bathroom) has been rented out every year to "the patrons" for an average of $3,000 for ONE week.

Our home is one of the lowest paying homes.  Depending on the size and location of the house, many Augusta residents rent out their homes for tens of thousands of dollars for the week (!!!!!).

But this year we did not rent our home.  After four years in a row of renting out our house, we decided to take the year off.

WHY?

Did we not need the money?  Actually, yes, we did need the money.  We are a one-income family, and the husband changed jobs six months ago, taking a pay cut while at it.  Top that with the fact that we just purchased a new and larger home.

Could we use an extra $3,000?  You betcha! 

So why didn't we?

Well, the easiest answer to this is that we are about to move homes (remember I said we just bought a new house?), and leading up to Masters week, there was a chance that I would have to be in Mexico during that week (which did not end up happening, btw, but still...).

But there is more to the story.  You see, a funny thing happens inside of me every year at around Masters week -- I become very greedy.  I begin to compare myself and how much my house is rented for compared to others.  I become angry and resentful towards people who get more money for their house.  People who rent out for less days, or have a "lesser home" than mine, yet get "a better deal."

Do you see where this is going?

These are not fun emotions to deal with, especially as I realize that I've been given all that I am in need of... 

YET...

I'm incredibly ungrateful for it.

I want more, yet this "more" I'm after is not enough.

This hit home last week in a very unique way as I was reading through the account of the healing of Naaman in 2 Kings 5.

The gist of the account is this -- Naaman, the commander of the army of the king of Aram (a foreign country), had leprosy.  His wife's slave girl, an Israelite, told her master's wife about the prophet Elisha in Israel who could cure him.  Naaman asks the king for permission to leave for Israel to be cured, and the king allows it.  Naaman takes with him ten talents of silver, six thousand shekels of gold and ten sets of clothing (v. 5).  He plans on paying Elisha for his services with this.  In verse 16, after he is cured from his leprosy, we see Elisha refusing this payment.

Why did he refuse the payment?  I'm not sure.  Maybe because Naaman was an enemy of Israel.  But I'm really not sure.

What we do know is that Elisha's servant Gehazi did not think refusing the payment was the best thing to do.  So he hurried after Naaman and asked for a talent of silver and two sets of clothing, a small fraction of what Naaman was offering to pay (v. 22).  Gehazi gets the money and the clothes, but is later cursed by Elisha with Naaman's leprosy instead. 

My guess is that the talent of silver and the two sets of clothing were worth a lot in those times (just like my Masters money... do you see where this is going?)...

BUT...

He did not need the money.

And I don't need the money either.

The talent of silver and the two sets of clothing would have been a nice boost, but they did not need it.

The extra $3,000 would have been a nice boost for us as well, but we did not need it.

Remember in 1 Kings 17:2-6, how the Lord supplied Elijah with water from the brook and food through the ravens?  Elisha was Elijah's apprentice, and Gehazi was Elisha's servant.  Chances are that Gehazi had heard of Elijah's miraculous provision, and had probably continued to see this provision first hand himself throughout his life.

Point being, neither Elisha nor Gehazi needed the boost.  They had been given all that they were in need of.  

And similarly, though the $3,000 would have been a nice financial boost for us this year, we did not need it.  Even in the mist of being a one-income family and the new house, we have enough!  We'd love more, I'm not going to lie, but we have enough!

There is nothing wrong with renting out our house for Masters every year.  We hope to get to do it next year again and for the rest of our lives.  I'd love to get to do extra things with that money in the future.  But not this year.  This year we took the year off.  We tucked away the greed and resentment that inevitably always rises up this time of year, and watched the Lord continue to provide for us. 

I don't want to be like Gheazi, and forget about God's continuing provision.  I know I have all that I'm in need of, and anything extra is just that... extra :)

WHY-Wednesday: Why there is more to friendships than just the desire to have them.

In his book The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller says that there needs to be more to a friendship than just the desire to have one.  For a friendship to be born and flourish, there has to be something in common between the two parties.  A love for books, a love for the outdoors, a love for running, etc.

But how do you bridge the gap between talking about the weather (or your child's inability to eat vegetables) to something much more relevant? How do you jump from a simple friendship to a David-Jonathan-like relationship?

I am by no means an expert on friendships, other than what I've recently noticed in the Bible, and how it has been proven to be true in my own life.  But here are three things I noted this past week while reading through 1 Samuel and part of 2 Samuel regarding David and Jonathan's friendship, and how it may be possibly applied to friendships today.  

1.  In 1 Samuel 18:1 it says that "Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself." A key element in a David-Jonathan-like relationship should be that there is a similar spirit between the two.  But I believe there is something more -- you will never experience a friendship's full potential unless the two parties involved have the same spirit in the Lord.

I have found this to be true in my life.  For example, a friend and I have been having an ongoing discussion about Covenant Baptism over the past two weeks.  No matter where we are at, whether we have three minutes or one hour, we have this deep conversation about something incredibly profound.  BAM!  Straight to the meat.  No small talk, no weather talking, no nothing.  Meat, my friends.  And isn't meat all that we are all longing for?

2.  Secondly, a David-Jonathan-like relationship must be one that helps you find strength in the Lord.  In 1 Samuel 23:16 it says:  "And Saul's son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God."

This passage makes me want to weep.  Partly because I see the truth and wisdom in it, and partly because I have once again found it to be true in my life.

Last week at around 7 AM one morning, after I had wrapped up my Bible-reading for the day, I glanced at my phone and saw a text from a dear friend with this caption:  "thank you for being a Jonathan to me!" with this picture (she is also reading through the Bible with me) --

I was moved by her message, partly because I felt honored and privileged, but also because it's true -- those who point you to Christ and help you find strength in Him are by definition David-Jonathan-like friends. 

3.  And lastly, a David-Jonathan-like relationship is unique and different than the relationship you may have with your spouse.  In 2 Samuel 1:26, after David learns of Jonathan's death, he says:  "I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me.  Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women."

I must confess that this verse werids me out a little.  But if I put myself in David's shoes, it makes sense.  David had two wives at that time.  My guess would be that he didn't do much relating to any of his wives other than relating with them sexually.  Instead, Jonathan was a friend to him when his wives were not.

I may be stretching this verse a little, but when I read this verse I read comfort for my soul.  I hear the Lord telling me that it is OK for my same-sex friends to meet the needs my husband is not able to meet.  That it is OK for my husband NOT to be my "everything" socially.  And that it is OK to not feel guilty about it.

WHY-Wednesday: Why you should aggressively read the Bible.

I had the opportunity to give a brief talk at a MOPS meeting last week.  I am slightly editing this talk and publishing it for this morning's WHY-Wednesday post.

Early May of last year I wrote about why I waked up before my kids, and later that same month I wrote about why I read through the Bible in a year, every year.  I am humbled to see how powerfully the Lord has used those two "tools" in my life.

****

Today I am going to share with you the story of how the Lord captured my heart, satisfied my soul, and gave me the rest I deeply longed for.  The story of how the Lord broke me after the birth of our son, and how through the aggressive reading of the Scriptures, He wooed me back to Himself. 

Soon after our son Byron was born, I found myself angry and resentful with life.  Just to clarify, I wasn’t depressed.  No, my problem was an issue of the heart.  I began thinking to myself: 

 “If only I had a few hours to myself each week,” 

“if only I was no longer nursing,” 

“if only I could fit into my jeans,” 

“if only my husband came home from work earlier.”

When I was at my whit’s end, with a broken and weary heart, I began reading through the Bible.   In January of 2014, when my son was only three months old, I began waking up at 6 AM to read my Bible and spend time in the presence of the Lord.  I was doubtful it would even make a difference, but I was desperate, and it turns out desperation was all I needed.  I needed to be desperate for Christ.

And the Lord met me.  He used my time in His presence and in His Word to woe me to Himself.  He said:  “I am all you need, I am the only one who satisfies.”  Six AM became the highlight of my day, with the Lord reminding me day after day after day that He was enough.

Since then I’ve put my children in a Mother’s Day Out program to give myself a few hours each week.  My son has been weaned, I’ve lost my baby weight, and the husband is now coming home from work earlier.  But it’s been reassuring to see that none of it was enough.  None of these things delivered the way I had hoped they would.

I learned that to put my hopes on anything other than Jesus was like chasing after the wind.  It’s useless, and only ever leaves me frustrated and empty-handed.  I learned that the day will come when all the good things I’ve been longing for -- the big house, the perfect husband, the good health, and the successful children – will all come true, and it will not be enough.  

To put my hopes on anything other than Jesus is like chasing after the wind.  Only Jesus satisfies, and only Jesus is enough.

So, what does the highlight of my day look like?  What is my time in the presence of the Lord like every morning?

1.  First off, my time in the presence of the Lord gives me rest.  In Genesis 4, after Cain murders his brother Abel, the Lord drives him out of the land, and this is what Cain tells the Lord in response:  “I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”

An immediate result of being in the presence of the Lord is that it brings us rest, regardless of the storms we are facing.  It seems contradictory to say that to add something to our lives will calm things down, but it’s true!  I have experienced it for myself.

2.  Secondly, when I’m in the presence of the Lord, I use that time to read through the Bible, cover to cover, and treat it like one book.  Did you know that the Bible is one Story of the Lord rescuing His people back to Himself?  Once I started treating the Bible as one book instead of a study tool, or a collection of good inspiring and challenging stories, my understanding and love for the Lord grew exponentially.

My time in the presence of the Lord is just me, the Bible, the Holy Spirit, and very little of anything else.  Hebrews 4:12 says:  “For the word of God is alive and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword.”  It was in fact the Word of God and His Spirit that broke me and brought me back to Himself.

3.  And lastly, my time in the presence of the Lord happens first thing in the morning.  I have found that this is the most consistent and reliable time in my day to do it.  My kids get up at 7 AM, so I wake up at 6 AM, Monday through Sunday, and I never ever regret it.  It is the highlight of my day.  I know this may be hard to fathom, but give it a try.  You may be surprised.

The truth is that when we spend time with the Lord, and immerse ourselves in His Word daily, it will never leave us empty, and we will never regret it.  We will be satisfied, and given all that we’re in need of.

WHY-Wednesday: Why I despise myself for hating my laundry so much.

Oh how I hate dealing with laundry.  No matter how hard I try to figure out a system that helps me make laundry more manageable, it always seems to have the upper hand on me.  I honestly feel like the system I have going on right now is the best I've ever had, but still... as I type this, there are two loads that are partly folded, partly waiting to be folded, and a load of diapers that is yet to be put away.

It's actually not that bad, a lot of it is folded (remember I said that my current system seems to be the best so far) except notice that it is still in the laundry room, NOT where clean laundry belongs.  Never mind that the diaper load was done three days ago.  It's still there.

I hate doing laundry.  Yet I'm being ridiculous. 

How dare I despise the privilege of washing my own clothes at home?

Let's evaluate my circumstances for a little-- 

Most middle-class American homes like ours don't even have a separate "laundry room."  We do.

Strike ONE.

If I were still leaving in Mexico, regardless of my social class, chances are I would NOT even own a dryer.

Strike TWO.

As a matter of fact, during the two years we lived in Mexico after getting married, we didn't even own a washer and dryer.  I would take my dirty laundry to a laundromat and spend an entire afternoon doing my entire week's worth of laundry outside my home.

Strike THREE.

 Most people around the world will at best get to wash their clothes by hand (yes, I like to insert this little guilt trip in my blog every once in a while :p).
Strike FOUR.

Yet, despite it all, I still have the audacity to complain about my laundry.  Oooohhh, how it piles up.  Oooohhh, how I never seem to get it finished.  Oooohhhh, how I hate folding it.  Ooooohhhh, how I hate putting it away.  Oooohhhh... (fill in the blank).

Really???? Shame. On. Me.

Thank you Jesus, that though laundry can seem like such an unbeatable "giant," I still get to do it at home.  In a washer.  And a dryer.  In my own laundry room.  Thank you.

So what have I done to make laundry more manageable in our home?

I feel like I've tried it all.  From having a "laundry day" where I tackle all of the week's laundry in one day (majorly disliked that method), to having two "laundry days" where I split the week's laundry in two days, to doing a load of laundry every day (yes, I was doing small loads every day except Sundays... also no fun).

But all three of those methods just about did me in.  Whether I was washing clothes once a week, or washing clothes every day, with dirty diapers thrown in there twice a week, I was thinking about laundry ALL THE TIME. 

About two months ago I decided to try something new.  New for me, at least.  It may be common sense for the majority.

I used to just have one dirty laundry basket for the entire house, which no matter how hard I worked on staying on-top of, was always overflowing with clothes.  So I decided to add three additional baskets to the laundry room to help tame the monster:

Nothing fancy.  Just some $7 Target hampers.  

About every two days, I empty the "main" dirty laundry basket located in our room and separate the clothes into three categories in our laundry room:  whites, colors, and larges (jeans, towels, jackets, sweaters, etc).  Whenever one is full, I just stick it into the washing machine, then dryer, then out of dryer.

I don't think about it.  Don't obsess about it.  Don't revolve my week around "laundry day" anymore.  It just gets done when it gets done (except on Sundays, that's my day off.  But that's another post entirely).

And when there are about two or three clean loads sitting in the laundry room, I finish folding, and put it away all in one day.  Not too bad.

How do you tackle your laundry?  Do you find yourself complaining about this first-world problem as much as I do?

(PS -- I've just started making my own laundry detergent.  I'm excited to see how well it works and how cost efficient it becomes).

WHY-Wednesday: Why I'm not messing up my kids.

I'm going to start this post by saying that I actually do think I'm messing up my kids.  Just this morning, Emma and I butted heads during breakfast time.  She wanted a big peanut butter sandwich, yet I knew she would not eat it.  After lots (lots!) of whining, a time out, and lots of patient explaining on my part that she would not want to eat it, I gave in.  I made her the sandwich.  Let's just not fight that fight today, okay?  Sure enough, the sandwich just laid there, untouched.  I tried to encourage her take at least one bite, but it did not happen.  So I let that one slip by.

Less than three hours later, in the gym's parking lot, while getting back into the car seats, she asked for her milk.  I kindly informed her that there was no more milk.  That she had drank it all gone.  She then proceeded to yell "Noooooo!!!!" with such rudeness and intensity, that the average witness would have agreed that the incident deserved at least a spanking.  But no, I just let that one slip by.  Again.

Tedd Tripp is probably shaking his head in disapproval, wondering how it was that I let this wonderful chance to address my child's heart slip by.  And Dr. James Dobson is probably enlisting all the long-term consequences I'll be facing with Emma when she hits the teenage years.

But the truth is, I almost never have the energy.  And most days I'm just plain ol' confused.  

Am I supposed to spank?  Give a time out?  Have the child recreate the behavior?  Ignore it all together?

Are they supposed to take one nap?  Two naps?  No nap at all?

Are they supposed to be home-schooled?  Private-schooled?  Public-schooled?

Are they supposed to take dance classes?  Be on a soccer team?

Are they supposed to be read to from the day they are born?  Placed in music classes before they can sit up?

Are they supposed to be breastfed till they're six months?  Till they're one?  Till they're three?

Will the world end if I choose to bottle feed instead?

Is there a right answer?  Does it  even matter?

AM I MESSING UP MY KIDS???????
 

I think a better question to this is:  Does God even need me?  Am I doing Him a favor by being a wonderfully educated and discerning parent?

And the uncomfortable short answer is:  No, God does not need me.  He does not need me to raise His children.  He has lent them to me and He has entrusted them to me, but He does not need me.

He uses me, yes, that's for sure.  But He does not need me.

This became painfully evident to me this past week while I continued to inch my way through the Old Testament.  In Numbers 20 we see Moses and Aaron get punished by the Lord for not trusting Him.  They are told that because of their disobedience, they would not enter the Promised Land.

Did the Lord use Moses and Aaron?  Yes.  The the Lord use Moses and Aaron in a great way?  ABSOLUTELY!  Did the Lord need them?  No.

In fact, they are replaced so fast, it leaves our heads spinning.  Just a few verses later, Aaron is replaced by his son Eleazar, and Moses is soon replaced by Joshua son of Nun.

So where does that leave us?  Are we supposed to throw our hands up in the air and just sit the kids in front of the TV all day?  And once again, the uncomfortable answer is... yes we can.  But do we want to?  Do we really want to miss out on being a part of God's Great Story?  Do we want to be replaced by a teacher, or a mentor, or a grandparent?  Because you know what?  If those little ones are His, He will use someone else to do His work for you.

Ouch.

So bring the stress level down a notch.  Relax.  And when tension and confusion creep up, remember that the Lord is using you to raise His children, but He does not need you. 

Instead be like the boy in John 6, who with his meager offering of two fish and five loaves of bread (all that he had), Jesus was able to feed five thousand.

If you'd been in my head this morning, you would have heard me praying:  "Lord, I have no clue what I'm doing.  I've done my homework.  I've read the books.  Yet I have no idea what I'm doing.  But this is what I have:  I have two fish and five loaves, a poor offering, but I know that in Your hands it'll be multiplied and used greatly."

And friends, if you'll allow me to still be humble while I say this-- it's because of this that I'm certain I'm not messing up my kids.

(A few acknowledgements to this post:  The title for this entry was borrowed (without permission, btw) from Lysa TerKeurst's book Am I Messing Up My Kids?  I actually began reading this book, and 40 pages into it I decided I did not like it.  But the title of her book was pretty awesome, so I borrowed it.  The second acknowledgement is that the connection of the boy from John 6 with parenting was not drawn by myself.  I have borrowed it from Rachel Jankovic's chapter in the book Mom Enough).

WHY-Wednesday: Why "you need only to be silent"

The account of Moses and the Crossing of the Red Sea.  One of the most iconic Old Testament stories, and one I have personally read through dozens of times.

Israel flees Egypt.  Egypt  chases after them.  Israel hits the sea shore.  Israel begins to complain to Moses.  Moses splits the sea.  Israel crosses undamaged.  Egypt not so much.

THE END.

Or is it?

The account of Moses and the Crossing of the Red Sea has little impact on our lives if we only allow it to be a good moral story of trust and obedience.

So join me as we take a closer (and more personal) look into this powerful scene in God's Redemptive Story.

By the time the exodus takes place, Israel had been living in Egypt for more than 400 years.  They were enslaved by the Egyptians and mistreated for the majority of their time there.

But Israel belongs to the Lord.  They are His chosen people.  They are the apple of His eye.

So He frees them.

And they leave Egypt.  For good.

But Egypt goes chasing after them, and the Israelites hit the Red Sea.  They're trapped, with no way out, and are as good as dead, right?

Read what happens next (Exodus 14:13-14, ESV):

"Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today... The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."

The NIV says:  "and you have only to be still."

Then for the remainder of the chapter we see the Israelites stand on the sidelines and watch the Lord do battle for them--

-  The angel of God... withdrew and went behind them.  The pillar of cloud also moved... behind them (v. 19)

-  The Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land (v. 21)

-  The Lord looked down... at the Egyptian army and threw it into confusion (v. 24)

-  He jammed the wheels of their chariots so that they had difficulty driving (v. 25)

-  The Lord swept them into the sea (v. 27).

-  Not one of them survived (v. 28)

... not one of them survived.

What is your Red Sea?  That seemingly impossible situation that the Lord has led you to and are convinced is going to kill you?

That marriage that is hard to stay in, or that spouse that is difficult to love.

That career you've had to give up, or that new job you've had to take.

That leadership position you've been asked to take, or that ministry you are now seeing crumble before you.

That diagnosis you've been given, or that pain someone has inflicted on you.

That loneliness you feel, or that anxiety you have.

That elderly loved one you've been given to care for, or those young children you've been entrusted to raise.

That special needs child you are a parent to, or that barren womb that crushes you every month. 

Do we truly believe that as we face the Red Seas of our lives, that the Lord will do battle for us, and we have only to be silent? 

That like Moses, the only thing we need to do is "stretch out our hands" (v. 21).  To do the simple things we've been asked to do, one step after the other, one foot in front of the other, one yes at a time.

That even in the midst of all our doubt and fear and grumbling, to just obey, to just do it, to face the Red Sea, to stretch out our hands, and allow the Lord to do battle for us.

And not be surprised when the Lord makes us victorious.

WHY-Wednesday: Why you should grieve well.

In lieu of the approaching Halloween/Day of the Dead, I thought I would use this platform to address some things I believe need to be made known to those who have never lost someone near to them.

The questions always seem to be-- 

How do I grieve with someone who has just lost someone close to them?  Do I talk about the deceased person?  Do I ask how they are doing?  Should I be cheerful?  Sad?  Not talk about it at all?

Without going into too much detail, this is my story--

My father passed away when I was 23 years old.  He had battled Multiple Sclerosis for 22 years, and eventually passed away from secondary effects of it.  He was 51 years old.

I remember the day the doctor came into his hospital room (after we had been there for about three weeks already) and told us that there was nothing else they could do for him.  His time had come.  

He passed away in the hospital bed, only five months after Byron and I had gotten married.

We had our visitation and then burial soon after.  Family and friends came and grieved with us, all for which I was very grateful.

But something very interesting happened right after--

Nobody ever brought him up again.

It's as if they were afraid.

To have people overlook this pain was the second most hurtful experience I had gone through (second only to my dad's passing).

I know they did not cause the hurt on purpose.  They weren't keeping quiet in order to cause me more grief.
They were doing it out of love.  But I wasn't feeling loved.

So the question is--
How can you grieve well with a friend who has just lost someone?

(Disclaimer-- these thoughts are based only on my personal and first-hand experience).

1.  Talk to your friend about their loss.  Ask them how they are doing.  It doesn't matter if it's been a week or years after their loss, just ask.  Tell them you are still thinking and praying for them.  Ask them to share memories.  If you knew the person who passed away, share a few of your own memories with them.  Know that every time you talk to them about their loss, they grieve a little more, and this is very important for them to do.  Some tears may be shed, but that's okay.

2.  Know that to remember is to live again.  When you talk about the deceased loved one, you are bringing him back to life!  This is a very sweet thing to get to do.  

I was at the dinner table with a family the other evening who I had never met before.  We started talking about life, and the topic of my dad came up.  I got to share a little bit about him and of what he was like.  I started to tear up.  I started to miss him.  But oh! what a sweet gift this family gave me.  I got to bring my dad back to this life!

3.  Don't freak out if your friend begins to tear up or cry.  This is okay.  This won't always happen, but please do not think things have gone south if your friend gets sad and teary.

4.  Do a little something on some anniversary of the deceased.  This can be on their Loved One's birthday, wedding anniversary (if spouse), or death anniversary.  It can be as simple as a phone text, an email or a phone call.  If you want to "step it up" a little, send them a hand-written note or a small gift that lets them know you are thinking and praying for them.  Something that lets them know you have not forgotten. 

5.  Restrain yourself from doing any talking or grief-sharing of your own.  My sister shares the story of when she returned back to school after our dad had passed away.  She told her roommate about her loss, and in an attempt to empathize with my sister, the roommate began telling her of her own experience in loosing her grandfather.  Next thing my sister knew, her friend was crying and now she was the one doing the consoling, not the other way around. 

Keep your stories to yourself.  Stay quiet.  Just be there.

6.  Keep their memory alive.  I've already allured to this and have brought it up plenty of times, but I cannot stress this enough.  Keep them alive!

WHY-Wednesday: Why she wears her 'do the ware she does.

Okay, so this week's post name is code for "I really do not want to write anything this week."

I will therefore just post a picture of my little girl wearing a silly wig she found at Imagination Station this morning (Tuesday). 

I just about burst out laughing when I turned around to see a little girl at a distance, concentrating while wearing that silly clown wig.  So appropriate!

***

I will also take advantage and make a disclaimer for my WHY-Wednesday posts.  I am afraid I need to remind everyone that I am not a writer.  

I was raised in Mexico for the first 18 years of my life, and was educated in a Mexican, Spanish-speaking school for most of that time (I was an exchange student for one of those years).  The only formal English classes I ever took were during my freshman year of college.

All that to say-- I am not very good with transferring what's in my head into writing. 

So when I alluded last week that "washing our hands is not that big of a deal," I didn't mean to say that we should intentionally roll around in germ-infested bathtubs (for example).  

My point was simple-- I think we've gone overboard.  

That's it :)

WHY-Wednesday: Why I barely wash my kids' hands.

That's right.  I'm winning no Mother of the Year trophy here.

I hardly ever wash my kids' hands.

My children are only one step away from eating straight off the floor.

If they are lucky, they'll get wiped down with a damp rag and some soap right before a meal.

If they are lucky.

(Yes, yes... I will wash their hands (and mine!) after they use the toilet.  No need to panic here.)

There is a little game I like to play in my mind called "Watch That Large Family Over There."  
It consists in paying close attention to large in size (as in four or more children) families.

Large families are an amazing gift to me.  They reveal to me what is ultimately important.
You see, they have so much going on, they have to prioritize in order to survive.

They don't run around carrying six different diaper bags.
They don't freak out when their babies miss a nap.
They go to Sunday night church.
They have family movie nights and stay up late watching TV with them.
Their kids play with the iPad/iPhone while they go grocery shopping.
They don't stress over unclean hands.

A second thought--

MOST people in the world live in extreme poverty.
Extreme poverty.
As in they-live-in-dirt-houses-with-dirt-floors-and-with-no-toilets kind of poverty.
This is the vast majority of the world, people.

Please realize that a(n) (almost) germ-free life is a luxury.
Maybe privilege would be a better word.  Right up there with education... maybe.

Does this mean that because so many people all around the world don't have running water, that we should scarcely wash our own hands?
No, but it does remind us that it probably isn't that big of a deal.

WHY-Wednesday: Why I completed my Masters degree.

For most of you who know me personally, you know that a little over a year ago I completed my Masters degree in Education.  You probably also know that unless something tragic or unexpected ever happens to us, I do not plan on ever returning to the classroom. 

A little background--

I am a Math teacher by trade.  I left the classroom after four years of teaching to become a full-time stay-at-home mom.  Though teaching wasn't always perfect, I do often times miss my career and the empowerment attached to being good at it.  

But the Lord had different plans, and early in my working career He made it very clear to me that I was to give up my paycheck in order to pretend to know what I was doing by caring for my family at home.

So teaching-year number four rolls around and the time to (ahem...) try to get pregnant rolls around as well.  

If you know anything about how a teacher's salary works, you know that your salary can just about double depending on your years of experience and your level of education.  So since we didn't know whether we'd get pregnant right away or not, I began to work towards my Masters degree "just in case."

Lo and behold, we get pregnant with Emma just in time to wrap up my fourth year of teaching and with half of my Masters degree required credits completed.  

What's a girl to do?  

I know I'll never return to the classroom.

But, OH! how I hate to see those credits wasted...

Emma turns one, and thanks to my husband's kindness, the helping hands of family members, and some savings, I decide to go back and complete it.

It's now or never! -- I said. 

So back to the original question...

WHY?

You see, I'm one to believe that an education opens doors, not closes them.

Let me explain--

I meet many people who feel that because they have a career, because they've done the whole school-thing, that they must do what they were trained to do.  That it would be a waste of time and resources to do otherwise.

I don't know about you, but that doesn't make much sense to me.

My higher education provides me with the opportunity to go back to work if I want to, but does not force me into that option.

(Note:  If you are in debt because of your training - or have any kind of debt, for that matter-, and this career will provide you with the fastest way to pay it off, then well... I guess you really don't have an option after all).

My point is-- 

Given the option, never choose your career simply because you feel you have to.

WHY-Wednesday: Why you should read "Crazy Busy"

One of my greatest pleasures in life is reading.  Nothing quite like a good book at your bed side table (or reclining chair in the TV room, as is the case for me). 

Over the course of this past year, I have read about 20 books (both fiction and non-fiction), most of which have been absolutely incredible.  All of them have impacted me to a certain degree-- some much more than others.

One day I'll write a post on a few of my favorite books, but today I am just going to focus on one:

Crazy Busy 

by Kevin Deyoung.

People-- all of you do yourself a favor and click here right now (yes, right now!) and purchase this book immediately.

A few sample quotes from the book--

"But the truth is, you're only indispensable until you say no.  You are unique.  Your gifts are important.  People love you.  But you're not irreplaceable" (p. 36).

Ouch!

"Good hospital-ity is making your home a hospital.  The idea is that friends and family and the wounded and weary people come to your home and leave helped and refreshed.  And yet, too often hospitality is a nerve-wracking experience for hosts and guests alike.  Instead of setting our guests at ease, we set them on edge by telling them how bad the food will be, and what a mess the house is, and how sorry we are for the kids' behavior.  We get worked up and crazy busy in all the wrong ways" (p. 41).

Ummm... guilty as charged.

"The people on this planet who end up doing nothing are those who never realized they couldn't do everything" (p. 60).

"God does expect us to say no to a whole lot of good things so that we can be freed up to say yes to the most important things he has for us" (p 63).

In regards to raising children--

"I just know that the longer I parent the more I want to focus on doing a few things really well, and not get too worked up about everything else.  I want to spend time with my kids, teach them the Bible, take them to church, laugh with them, cry with them, discipline them when they disobey, say 'sorry' when I mess up, and pray a ton.  I want them to look back and think, 'I'm not sure what my parents were doing or if they even knew what they were doing.  But I always knew my parents loved me, and I knew they loved Jesus'" (p. 74).

And the home run, the theme of all Themes, the one that hits the nail on the head--

"We want to be harried and hassled and busy.  Unconsciously, we want the very things we complain about.  For if we had leisure, we would look at ourselves and listen to our hearts and see the great gaping hole in our hearts and be terrified, because that hole is so big that nothing but God can fill it" (p. 83, emphasis mine).

And with that, my friends, I bid you a good day :)

WHY-Wednesday: Why I slow down time.

It's ironic that I find myself writing a post on slowing down time, when just a couple of weeks ago I wrote on longing for these little years to be gone.  But hopefully I find an empathetic ear out there who understands the daily battle between longing to be child-free and not wanting to wish my life away.

About six months ago I read the book "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  I am actually borderline embarrassed to admit I even read it.  I am not a huge fan of hers, and her style of writing is kind of annoying to me.  But, if you can get over her overly melancholic way of expressing herself, what she has to say is pretty awesome.  You can find her blog here.

Anyway, the whole point of her book can be summarized by her following quote:

"Giving thanks for one thousand things is ultimately an invitation to slow time down with the weight of full attention."

A second quote by Mark Buchanan that compliments Ann Voskamp's previous quote is:

"I cannot think of a single advantage I've gained from being in a hurry... through all this haste I thought I was making up time.  It turns out I was just throwing it away."

The moment we start rushing through our days, trying to keep up with laundry, dinner, and our never-ending to-do list... yes, our life gets lived out effectively, but there is nobody there to enjoy it.

Yesterday was one of those days.  My sweet children were there usual selves, and had I continued doing all that "needed to be done," I would have never been able to savor the precious gift of simplicity through them.

1.  Getting to see my little girl imitate the only mom she knows to be hers, and liking what I see.

2.  The way my fearful girl learns to overcome simple fears such as getting close to a cooking stove.

WHY-Wednesday: Why we don't own a deep freezer.

(Update on September 20, 2014-- I got a smart phone last week, and did not realize that the pictures on it where linked to my blog's pictures.  I began deleting a whole bunch of them, including the ones that were on this post.  You can still read the post and "learn" from it, and if you are absolutely in dyer need of seeing what's in my freezer, you can come on over anytime :) )

A friend of mine asked me a few weeks ago via Facebook if I had a deep freezer.  With all my chicken stock, and meat-freezing, where do I have room for everything?  

You must have a deep freezer! -- she assumed.

Well... truth be told-- I would love to have one, but don't.

We don't have room for one, they bring up the power bill, and the hubby is afraid I'll be storing 15-year old dinner casseroles, then serving him some.

So how do I do it?

How do I manage to successfully store everything in the one I have?

Let's take a peek at my freezer and see if we can answer these questions.

My lovely freezer as-is.  Nothing polished, nothing added, nothing (obviously) organized.

Nuts.

Bread scraps.

Butter.

All my whole wheat bread-making ingredients.

Which reminds me... I haven't made a loaf in a while.

Cheese.

Ground coffee.

(Only if it is not in an air-tight container).

Cookie dough.

Bacon.

Old bananas.

Bell peppers.

Cooked hot dogs.

Deli meat.

Squeezed lime juice.

Meatloaf meat, ready to be thawed and cooked.

Onion and celery scraps for making chicken stock.

Lentil soup.

Fully cooked black and navy beans.

Chicken breasts.

Ham bone, and leftover ham.

Frozen fruit for my morning smoothie, and some ice cream.

Pancakes.

Artichoke hearts.

Chicken stock.

Thoughts in response to what I keep in my freezer--

*  I hardly ever use my freezer space for fully-cooked meals.  I will never put a casserole, a whole pizza, or convenient food from the store.  What I'll do instead is freeze partially prepared food.  For example, I'll freeze my bread scraps, but won't freeze the french toast casserole I'll be using them in.  I use my freezer space to make dinner prep in the afternoon go smoother, not to eliminate it completely.

*  I always keep a few "regulars" in the freezer such as my nuts, bread scrap bag, onion/celery bag, and bread-making ingredients.  Other than that, everything else rotates pretty quickly out of the freezer.  Notice how aside from my meatloaf bag, all of my other ground beef bags are gone.  I've used them all!  Now I am working through my chicken breasts.  Only one main meat will "dominate" the freezer at a time.

*  Whenever I am planning my weekly meals, I always look through my freezer to see what I have on hand.  This is what helps me rotate through my freezer quickly.

*  Notice how I only have one ice cream box.  As a matter of fact, I rarely have desserts like that (it was leftover from the kids' parties).  Desserts and ice cream like that are yummy to have, but are not the best way to maximize your freezer space.

***

My concluding thoughts:

1.  Focus more on freezing partially prepared meals opposed to fully prepared ones,
2.  Rotate through your freezer quickly,
and
3.  Freeze items that would make your life easier, not yummier.  

WHY-Wednesday: Why I signed my kids up for Mother's Day Out.

The kids' first day of MDO.

Why did I sign my kids up for Mother's Day Out one day a week?

I did not do it because I thought they needed to socially interact with other kids (they get plenty of that elsewhere).

I did not do it because I thought they needed to learn certain skills I couldn't teach them myself.

I did not do it because I needed childcare so I could work to make money.

(All of these are good and valid reason.  They just weren't my reasons).

You see, something happened a few weeks ago--

I broke!

I crumbled into so many little pieces, that crying for no reason in particular became an everyday thing.

"So how was your day today?" asks the hubby after a long day at work.

"well... I cried twice today" I would say, as if sharing the day's weather or something.

Next thing I know, I've landed at the doctor's office, seeking for answers...

am I depressed?

do I need medication?

why am I acting like this?

Long story short-- I am not depressed!

I am not. 

But a lot is going on, and I need to begin to slooooooww doooowwwn.

The doctor who saw me (who I love and respect very much) listened, talked and prayed with me.

"Lauren, we will run the tests.  We will make sure.  But my gut feeling is that it will all come back OK"-- she said.

And she was right.

It all came back OK.

She said--

"This is what you need--

you need regular dates with the hubby,

you need friends,

and you need time for yourself.

All of this will be cheaper than any medication I can give you.

And if after this you still feel sad, then we can talk again."

So we've done some rearranging.  

I've changed the way I do some things.

And I've signed my kids up for MDO.

I have not cried for no particular reason since.

***

So why did I sign my kids up for MDO?

Doctor's orders :)