The Time of Truth

I've been a Xtian for about 10 years now. I always thought about myself as a strong and mature one, based on the fact that i always knew and did the right things: i did not randomly date before i got married, i never let the sun go down on my anger, i never swore, i did not own pirated music, i was kind and polite to the people around me, etc. and sadly, i was even proud of myself for being like that (who wouldn't?). I would think of myself as very mature in my Xtian walk when truth was that, even though i have done the right things, there was still LOTS of things i still had to grow in.

This week my school is having us take some intro to Bible classes. Because my school is Xtian and we are going through some international Xtian certification, all teachers have to take this intense course. This course was all it took for God to bring me back to my senses. Our first assignment on the first class was to write all of the books of the Bible, preferably in order. While most teachers where scribbling away, i could not get past the first 12 books of the OT and the first 15 in the NT. Most teachers got them all. I thought to myself "well, who cares about the order of the books, it's no big deal". But the moment of truth came when our instructor had us write what each book was about or what major event happened in each book. I was in shock when even the books i had already read, i didn't really know what they were about.

Then as a group we started to go through them, one by one, saying what they were all about. People started shouting out events, verses, location of the verses -- i knew nothing!!! I didn't even know anything about the Israelites exile after Solomon's kingdom... how sad is that???!!! For a 10 year old Xtian, that is just plain embarrassing.

For most teachers in my school, this is all review, but for me it's all new. I am trying to soak in as much as i can, still knowing i will probably forget most of it. I am purposely reading more and more my Bible and studying it more intentionally. I may have done all the right things in the past, but there is still a part of my Xtian life that is very immature still and i need to grow in it.

Staying Strong

It's been almost a week since my friend passed away and life is still going on. I realized that if i wanted to move on with life and not be a moribund, i had to de-attach myself. It sounds insensitive, but it was the only way i could go on with life without wanting to cry/crying like a mad-woman all the time. I think i've reached that point. I am very thankful for my husband who was very understanding and of great encouragement to me. I can't imagine having to be there for your wife as she cries for a guy-friend. But he was great!

I guess i've just dealt with death this past year more than my entire life put together. My dad died, Eduardo died, and Soco (she is like an aunt to me) is currently dieing from cancer. All of these three people cared for me at a particular point in my life. Each meant a lot to me -- some, of course, more than others, but still, their loss is hard enough, but when it's all together, it's just too painful.

But God has been reminding me of His love for me each day. He has given me peace in spite of the challenges he has been having me face.