Wednesday, March 25, 2015

WHY-Wednesday: Why there is more to friendships than just the desire to have them.

In his book The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller says that there needs to be more to a friendship than just the desire to have one.  For a friendship to be born and flourish, there has to be something in common between the two parties.  A love for books, a love for the outdoors, a love for running, etc.

But how do you bridge the gap between talking about the weather (or your child's inability to eat vegetables) to something much more relevant? How do you jump from a simple friendship to a David-Jonathan-like relationship?

I am by no means an expert on friendships, other than what I've recently noticed in the Bible, and how it has been proven to be true in my own life.  But here are three things I noted this past week while reading through 1 Samuel and part of 2 Samuel regarding David and Jonathan's friendship, and how it may be possibly applied to friendships today.  

1.  In 1 Samuel 18:1 it says that "Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself." A key element in a David-Jonathan-like relationship should be that there is a similar spirit between the two.  But I believe there is something more -- you will never experience a friendship's full potential unless the two parties involved have the same spirit in the Lord.

I have found this to be true in my life.  For example, a friend and I have been having an ongoing discussion about Covenant Baptism over the past two weeks.  No matter where we are at, whether we have three minutes or one hour, we have this deep conversation about something incredibly profound.  BAM!  Straight to the meat.  No small talk, no weather talking, no nothing.  Meat, my friends.  And isn't meat all that we are all longing for?

2.  Secondly, a David-Jonathan-like relationship must be one that helps you find strength in the Lord.  In 1 Samuel 23:16 it says:  "And Saul's son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God."

This passage makes me want to weep.  Partly because I see the truth and wisdom in it, and partly because I have once again found it to be true in my life.

Last week at around 7 AM one morning, after I had wrapped up my Bible-reading for the day, I glanced at my phone and saw a text from a dear friend with this caption:  "thank you for being a Jonathan to me!" with this picture (she is also reading through the Bible with me) --



I was moved by her message, partly because I felt honored and privileged, but also because it's true -- those who point you to Christ and help you find strength in Him are by definition David-Jonathan-like friends. 

3.  And lastly, a David-Jonathan-like relationship is unique and different than the relationship you may have with your spouse.  In 2 Samuel 1:26, after David learns of Jonathan's death, he says:  "I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me.  Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women."

I must confess that this verse werids me out a little.  But if I put myself in David's shoes, it makes sense.  David had two wives at that time.  My guess would be that he didn't do much relating to any of his wives other than relating with them sexually.  Instead, Jonathan was a friend to him when his wives were not.

I may be stretching this verse a little, but when I read this verse I read comfort for my soul.  I hear the Lord telling me that it is OK for my same-sex friends to meet the needs my husband is not able to meet.  That it is OK for my husband NOT to be my "everything" socially.  And that it is OK to not feel guilty about it.

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