WHY-Wednesday: Why I'm not messing up my kids.

I'm going to start this post by saying that I actually do think I'm messing up my kids.  Just this morning, Emma and I butted heads during breakfast time.  She wanted a big peanut butter sandwich, yet I knew she would not eat it.  After lots (lots!) of whining, a time out, and lots of patient explaining on my part that she would not want to eat it, I gave in.  I made her the sandwich.  Let's just not fight that fight today, okay?  Sure enough, the sandwich just laid there, untouched.  I tried to encourage her take at least one bite, but it did not happen.  So I let that one slip by.

Less than three hours later, in the gym's parking lot, while getting back into the car seats, she asked for her milk.  I kindly informed her that there was no more milk.  That she had drank it all gone.  She then proceeded to yell "Noooooo!!!!" with such rudeness and intensity, that the average witness would have agreed that the incident deserved at least a spanking.  But no, I just let that one slip by.  Again.

Tedd Tripp is probably shaking his head in disapproval, wondering how it was that I let this wonderful chance to address my child's heart slip by.  And Dr. James Dobson is probably enlisting all the long-term consequences I'll be facing with Emma when she hits the teenage years.

But the truth is, I almost never have the energy.  And most days I'm just plain ol' confused.  

Am I supposed to spank?  Give a time out?  Have the child recreate the behavior?  Ignore it all together?

Are they supposed to take one nap?  Two naps?  No nap at all?

Are they supposed to be home-schooled?  Private-schooled?  Public-schooled?

Are they supposed to take dance classes?  Be on a soccer team?

Are they supposed to be read to from the day they are born?  Placed in music classes before they can sit up?

Are they supposed to be breastfed till they're six months?  Till they're one?  Till they're three?

Will the world end if I choose to bottle feed instead?

Is there a right answer?  Does it  even matter?

AM I MESSING UP MY KIDS???????
 

I think a better question to this is:  Does God even need me?  Am I doing Him a favor by being a wonderfully educated and discerning parent?

And the uncomfortable short answer is:  No, God does not need me.  He does not need me to raise His children.  He has lent them to me and He has entrusted them to me, but He does not need me.

He uses me, yes, that's for sure.  But He does not need me.

This became painfully evident to me this past week while I continued to inch my way through the Old Testament.  In Numbers 20 we see Moses and Aaron get punished by the Lord for not trusting Him.  They are told that because of their disobedience, they would not enter the Promised Land.

Did the Lord use Moses and Aaron?  Yes.  The the Lord use Moses and Aaron in a great way?  ABSOLUTELY!  Did the Lord need them?  No.

In fact, they are replaced so fast, it leaves our heads spinning.  Just a few verses later, Aaron is replaced by his son Eleazar, and Moses is soon replaced by Joshua son of Nun.

So where does that leave us?  Are we supposed to throw our hands up in the air and just sit the kids in front of the TV all day?  And once again, the uncomfortable answer is... yes we can.  But do we want to?  Do we really want to miss out on being a part of God's Great Story?  Do we want to be replaced by a teacher, or a mentor, or a grandparent?  Because you know what?  If those little ones are His, He will use someone else to do His work for you.

Ouch.

So bring the stress level down a notch.  Relax.  And when tension and confusion creep up, remember that the Lord is using you to raise His children, but He does not need you. 

Instead be like the boy in John 6, who with his meager offering of two fish and five loaves of bread (all that he had), Jesus was able to feed five thousand.

If you'd been in my head this morning, you would have heard me praying:  "Lord, I have no clue what I'm doing.  I've done my homework.  I've read the books.  Yet I have no idea what I'm doing.  But this is what I have:  I have two fish and five loaves, a poor offering, but I know that in Your hands it'll be multiplied and used greatly."

And friends, if you'll allow me to still be humble while I say this-- it's because of this that I'm certain I'm not messing up my kids.

(A few acknowledgements to this post:  The title for this entry was borrowed (without permission, btw) from Lysa TerKeurst's book Am I Messing Up My Kids?  I actually began reading this book, and 40 pages into it I decided I did not like it.  But the title of her book was pretty awesome, so I borrowed it.  The second acknowledgement is that the connection of the boy from John 6 with parenting was not drawn by myself.  I have borrowed it from Rachel Jankovic's chapter in the book Mom Enough).