(This is by far my longest post yet. Feel free to skip it, I won't be offended :p It's just that this has been on my mind for a few days now and I wanted to journal it.)
Unlike most stay at home moms, I never dreamed of being one growing up. I never said: “When I grow up, I want to be a mamma.” Instead, I saw myself as an astronaut, artist, architect, engineer, and eventually a teacher – what I ended up going to school for.
Even last year, as we were getting ready to become parents for the first time, the thought of still working in the classroom continued to linger in my head. Even though my job at the time discouraged me more times than not, being in the classroom brought much self-worth into my life. I got paid every month, I provided insurance for the two of us, received good observation reviews, my students did very good on their end of course testing, and I was working on my masters – the sky was the limit.
But the Lord continued to tug at my heart, as he had been for the past number of years, and the decision was made. I submitted my letter of resignation and walked out on the last day of school at peace with the choice we had made.
Well, a little girl was born to us. Four weeks into parenthood and she became colic. She would cry and cry and cry every night anywhere between one to two hours. She eventually grew out of this at about two months old and then our sleep issues began. She would not take a nap unless I held her in my arms. So here I was, a highly educated woman spending six hours of my daytime holding my child on the couch so that she could take her naps.
Fast forward to where we are at now. A little girl is almost five (gulp) months old. She is as sweet as they come! Strangers will stop us and compliment her – her smile, how content she is, how she never seems to fuss…
…At the fabric store yesterday, a lady waiting in line behind us said: “I did not want to jinx you, but I had to tell you that I am very impressed with her and how good she is doing.”
She went on to compliment me saying: “You must be a good mom. My daughter is a very good mom as well and her baby is just like yours, so good and peaceful.” Others have told me similar things: “It’s because you are so calm and patient with her that she is such a good baby.”
Well, truth be told, I know better than that, especially after this past Sunday’s sermon. Our pastor preached on a passage from Genesis, and whether this was his main point or not, this is what I heard: “We like to believe that we are where we are at in life because of our own doing and because of our own effort.” We think: “It’s because of how hard I work, it’s because of the way I relate to people, it’s because I am prudent, it’s because I am patient, it’s because I am ____________ that I am where I am at now” But, we forget that there is nothing (no nothing!) we can do to deserve God’s goodness. He gives freely and without condition, including my baby girl’s sweet personality.
Having said that, when people do compliment me on my “parenting skills” (whichever those may be), this is what I hear: “I love you and I will take care of you as a mom and encourage you as many times as I need to.”
I know as well as the next person that I don’t have any control over my daughter’s temperament, but what a sweet way for the Lord to encourage me through this path of life which I was once hesitant to embark.
When people ask me whether I miss working, sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no. Truth be told, it depends on the day. What I do know is that there have been many times where I have had to remind myself over and over why I stay home with Emma.
A friend of mine put it sweet and simple: “You are doing Kingdom’s work.”
Amen to that!
Emma is grabbing just about anything and everything these days.
Emma is grabbing just about anything and everything these days.
